Is the telly turned on for full-frontal nudity?

Now, do you immediately want to read on and find out what this relates to?

I feel sure that a lot of readers will now be skimming through the paragraphs trying to locate the rude bits, like most of the population are supposed to do when discovering a copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. Am I right?

Similar warnings are broadcast on television channels before a film and are intended to prevent people being exposed to scenes which would make them feel uncomfortable and which they might choose to avoid – but how often does it actually encourage another section of the public to watch, in the hope of seeing something a bit risqué?

It’s a shame that something as natural as nudity is classed as offensive, alongside bad language and violence.

We all know that, on a general family channel, even after 9 pm, the “nudity” is often only semi-nudity; people wrapping their duvet around themselves as they get out of bed or, having supposedly just had sex, leaping out of bed with at least their pants on, if not their pyjamas, too!

It’s not that I need to see their bodies but I do want the storyline to be convincing, so if nudity is going to be shown, then please cut from being in bed to having got dressed – and we can leave the rest to our imagination.

Yet some films seem to have excessive nudity when it isn’t essential to the plot. It wasn’t always like this; in fact, it isn’t that they never had sex in the days of the old black & white movies, it’s just that we didn’t expect to watch them doing it!

(I hope you are smiling at this point, as I am...)

All this leads me to suspect that such scenes are now only included to boost ratings.

I often comment at the end of such a programme that I didn’t recall seeing any nudity at all, so I wonder if some of the viewers feel rather let down that they watched it for 90 minutes and didn’t spot any! Could they complain to some official board somewhere that the warning was misleading and insist that some nudity be included in future?!

It’s often thrown into advertising for no other reason than to grab your attention. The marketing people know what they are doing and when all else fails to make their item stand out from the rest, they throw in some nudity to tempt viewers to take more notice next time it appears.

Can you recall television adverts using nudity? Can you recall what they were advertising?

Perhaps I’m immune to it since becoming a naturist. Is it that I’m no longer surprised to see a naked body? I’m certainly never shocked to see one and never was why anyone would be, I don’t understand, as we all have one.

I recall an ad that had two naked ramblers standing at the roadside whilst a coach-load of people went past; one where a couple strip off their clothes and go skinny-dipping and one for a particular perfume where the lady strides through the door discarding her jewellery and clothes on the way; just another day in a naturist’s household!

I couldn’t tell you exactly what they were advertising, so if I’m an example of the general public, the advertising failed.

Even the radio ads are utilising nudity. Just recently, I kept hearing bits of one advert whilst driving and the word they were constantly repeating was “naked” with great emphasis, as though it were something new and most certainly naughty to be said out loud.

What were they advertising? A brand of car that was offering special terms of payment, with, I believe, no extra costs, though once again I don’t remember the details.

I remember wondering what “Naked” had to do with selling a car? Would anyone really be attracted to that car simply because they repeatedly used that word? Please say “No!"

My point is that nudity is widely used to attract interest, viewers and custom and it is usually in the form of a sexual nature, quite provocative and obviously widely accepted across the nation, otherwise the major TV and radio channels would be stopped from doing so. They do have their limits but they constantly push them and only if viewers’ reaction is strong are they banned.

Saucy seaside postcards were thought very naughty in the 1930’s and remain as popular as ever. There must have been something in the sea air, as many a Victorian pier had a Mutoscope, commonly known as a “what the butler saw” machine!

Think, quickly now, of the most famous scene in any of the “Carry On” films and what springs to mind? Yes, the clip of the young Barbara Windsor throwing open her arms and her bikini top flying off in the 1969 film Carry on Camping which featured a “nudist camp”. The giggling portrayal of Naturism has been difficult for us to shed ever since.

All evidence points to the Great British Public’s love of naughtiness, of suggested nudity with a little glimpse of something they weren’t meant to see.

So why is it that, when given some straightforward nudity that is non- sexual and not provocative in the slightest, but natural and normal, the rest of the population gets agitated and starts proclaiming how rude we all are?! This type of nudity seems to be the one the nation dislikes the most!

Isn’t it crazy?!

This leads me to think they consider the only acceptable nudity is when it is linked with sexuality, so we’re on a loser here!

What can we do to stop this great divide between sexual nudity and naturist nudity and get our nakedness accepted as perfectly harmless and normal?

Answers on a postcard please! (No, seriously, I mean it!)

We are the ones living the same routine, often mundane, without our clothes, as everyone else is doing, with their clothes on, so what’s the big deal?

The day when the TV or film industry can have someone get out of bed naked and get dressed, in the same way as we do in real life, without it meaning to create sexual tension, will mean we have done our job and promoted the naked body as acceptable and normal.

Until then, watch out for that boring old TV film or drama about to start after 9pm that will only get high ratings because, just before it starts, they warn the viewers of nudity.

Take my word for it; it isn’t worth watching if that is the best they can say about it!

(And no, I haven’t used any bad language in this piece as I don’t think it necessary and it certainly isn’t clever!)